Why I Built a Safe Space for Women - My Story of Survival and Strength
By Jules McVey
I just read Jack Coleman's tribute to Hayden on IG and it brought me to tears.
When I left my marriage from DV in August 2010, it was the morning after I spent hours in jail. After my husband assaulted me, I locked him outside to understand what had just happened and check on my daughter. She was almost 2.
20 minutes later, there were knocks all around my home. Then a text from him saying the neighbors called the police and to open the door. My thoughts were fear; that I was about to lose my husband.
(I later found out he called - he was cold and wanted inside the house...)
When I opened the door, two women officers asked what happened. I told them my husband was drunk, forced himself on me, then started hitting me and throwing furniture (that hit me) when I pushed him off me.
That's when they said I had the right to remain silent... all I could think of was crime shows I'd watched. I ran to give my daughter one last hug, asked for a pair of shoes to wear, and was escorted to jail. I was silent and I could feel the officers felt justified in taking me; not him.
When we got to the station, the bruises all over my body were getting deeper and visible and the women officers eyes went from confidence to shame and guilt.
Within 72 hours of that event, I filed divorce and moved out with my daughter, dog, and cat.
All charge were dropped, therapists and judges apologized for what I had gone through, including the false arrest. But I learned then that power and control are tools abusers use, especially in domestic situations.
I'll never forget calling my father asking if he'd come visit me and my daughter; hold my hand, just be there in person. He told me no - he said I got what I deserved for marrying a man he told me not to marry and he also told all my relatives not to help me as I was "an embarrassment to the family."
There's so much more to this chapter of my life that I'll share one day. I've been so ashamed of this chapter, afraid of how others would judge me. But reading Coleman's words just now, floods of emotion hit me as we all deserve friendships like this, and women like Hayden and myself should never be afraid of sharing our stories.
When I opened my business, I wrote it in my business plan that I would help women have a part of Wicked Rae's and become small business owners so we could help more women rise up, have community, have ownership. It's even on my business card that we are a safe space.
I look in the mirror today and I'm so damn proud I put on my shoes and kept walking. That I said my father's words were not about me, but about him, and that my child and I deserved safety and love. And that those hard chapters didn't kill me - they broke me, yes... but I was the one who decided on where the new pieces would go and why.
If you're above ground, you've got work to do. Be the good that inspires others. Don't let your past define you.
Jules
Jack Coleman's IG to Hayden
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